Stories -1

A Baptist and a Catholic preacher Audience: General    Humor Rating:    Category: Religious    Type: Stories

A Baptist preacher and a catholic preacher are driving out on a road. The catholic preacher sees a cat in the middle of the road, and slams on his brakes. The cat is avoided, but the Baptist preacher hits the back of the catholic preacher. They step out of their cars, and begin talking. "Oh, I am so sorry, that was my fault," says the Baptist preacher. While waiting for the cops after they called by cell phone, the preachers soon start talking about their professions to pass the time. "You know, I never understood why catholic preachers don't drink wine to represent Christ's blood." The catholic preacher responds, "Well, we believe that drinking wine is wrong, and just use grape juice instead." "I have a bottle of wine in my glove compartment right now. Tell you what, let's drink a little right now while waiting for the cops." "Oh, no I couldn't, replies the catholic, but after pressuring him, the catholic preacher soon agrees. The Baptist preacher takes out the wine and a couple of Dixie cups, and pours a little into each. The catholic preacher drinks it down quickly. "That wasn't that bad, you're right," the catholic preacher says. Noticing the baptist hasn't drank his wine, he asks, "Aren't you going to have some?" "Oh sure," the other replies, "I'll wait until after the cops come though."

Rabbi Wizard Audience: General    Humor Rating:    Category: Religious    Type: Stories

The Rabbi rose with a red face..."Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the K.K.K. This is a horrible lie and one which a Jewish community cannot tolerate! I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and our Jewish community." No one moved. The Rabbi continued, "Do you not have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel relief. Now stand and confess your transgression!" Again all was quiet. Slowly a "drop dead" gorgeous blonde with a body that would not stop rose in the third pew. Her head was bowed, and her voice quivered as she spoke. "Rabbi, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Klu Klux Klan... I just told a couple of friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

Behold I Cometh! Audience: General    Humor Rating:    Category: Religious    Type: Stories

A young minister had just got out of the seminary, got his first church, and was preaching his first sermon. In the seminary, they had taught him that if he forgot something, just back up and repeat what he had said, and maybe it would come back to him. He started out with a quote, "Behold, I cometh....." but he couldn't remember the rest of it. So he trys to regain his composure, backs up an starts again... "Behold I cometh..." but he still couldn't remember. So he rears back and shouts again, "Behold I cometh! ..." but this time he trips over the pulpit and falls right into the lap of a little old lady sitting the front row! He was embarrassed and started apologizing, but before he could finish the woman muttered... "It isn't your fault sonny - you told me you were coming three times... I should have moved!"

Holy Water: The cure-all Audience: General    Humor Rating:    Category: Religious    Type: Stories

One Sunday morning a minister and a choirboy were getting the church ready for mass. The minister prepared his sermon while the choirboy filled the holy water fountain. Suddenly, the choirboy burst into the minister's room and yelled, "father father, I just saw the most amazing thing! I filled the holy water fountain. Then a man came in on crutches. He moved to the fountain, dipped his left hand in the holy water, blessed himself and threw away his left crutch. Then he dipped his right hand in the holy water, blessed himself and threw away his right crutch. Then he turned to me ... and he took a step forward"! The minister was awe struck by what he just heard. "My boy, he said, you just witnessed a miracle from God! Where's this man now?" The Choirboy replies... "flat on his face in front of the holy water fountain"!